My girlfriend figured out who you are.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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