i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
