I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
