I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
