I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
