At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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