I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
