census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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