Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm always down for nudity.
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