3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Someone signed my nipple.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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