my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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