This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
