I CAN MOONWALK!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
