UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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