That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
