My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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