At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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