Christians are straight up FREAKS
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
