Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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