Dual....:-)
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Someone stole a lamp last night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
