Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
