My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
COCAINE IS GR8
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
