Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
