took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
