This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
