Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
