i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
