I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
