It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
