You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
