why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
