somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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