He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
