Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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