what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
