...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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