I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
