Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
