Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
please don't ironically join a cult
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