Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
