The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
