We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
