You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
