This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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