I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
