ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
