Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
