Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
