She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
