Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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