connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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