It was confusing and full of hummus
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
