I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
